I like to sit and write in my journal when I can.
Like meditation (something I’ve been avoidant of for the past two years 😬), keeping a journal keeps me honest with myself. It often helps me take note of those thoughts stuck circling themselves - the “broken record” thoughts that I find so distracting (and so often avoid 😬).
But sometimes, I notice my writing slowing down and my mind getting crowded.
It’s not that I can’t find the space or the time to write. I go to coffee shop in the morning. I sit on my couch at home in the evening, or take a break during the day in my car overlooking the ocean.
What’s tough is the tendency to bail.
When the writing and the thoughts get tough on a normal day, it’s easy to jump for something I know - check the phone, go to the grocery, vacuum the apartment, get in the car and go for second coffee.
It’s only with distance from the familiar that my mind allows itself to resolve the overwhelm. That’s why I write my best when I’m far from home on vacation.
So recently, when I felt my mind stuck cycling over difficult thoughts, and as I watched my to-do lists growing longer and remaining unaddressed by day’s end, I knew it was time to retreat.
Until a year ago, I don’t think I’d ever heard anyone mention the idea of a personal retreat.
David Sparks, known in the Apple community as MacSparky, had discussed the idea on a podcast. And at the time, I tagged the idea as something to experiment with when the time was right.
David’s description of the personal retreat sounded interesting. Secluding yourself away from home for three days and two nights, you focus your energy on a number of foundational questions regarding the roles you assume in your daily life and the values that help guide your actions. This isn’t a vacation but rather a dedicated time of reflection aided by the distance from daily routines and distractions.
Breaking up my day-to-day routines was just what I needed to create the space for my thoughts, and the “parts” creating them, to come to the surface.
I’ve found that most of the time, parts of myself just want to be seen. It’s not that I have to do what each and every part of me wants myself to do; it’s that I need to compassionately listen and make a decision on the relevance of their concern. For most ideas, thoughts, or worries, this mindful attention is enough to correct those stuck on repeat.
With time on my hands and an overflowing mind, I decided to take the chance on David’s idea.
Following David’s guide, I set out for New London, Connecticut, which was perfect for two reasons. First, it was just far enough away from home that I was out of reach of any and all habits and distractions. And second, New London was not at all “new” to me. Having spent my childhood growing up in the area, it didn’t provide a vacation appeal that would have charmed me away from the hard work I was invested in addressing.
With the city unable to distract me, I chose a spartan apartment for rent on AirBnB to ensure my thinking and writing space would also be distraction-free.
Now, rather than outline each and every detail of the retreat, I think it best for you to hear from David Sparks himself about how the retreat is set up, and the daily schedule to keep while away. You can find all the details here; David has a full video explainer, as well as a free PDF he put together outlining the whole process.
What I think I can add is just how important rest is after this process.
Though David does mention it, if you choose to plan and execute your own personal retreat, be prepared to be wiped afterward. Though my third day was productive, the day after returning from my retreat was a lost cause. Despite trying to get work done that day, I was beat. I noticed half way through the day that I was fighting myself, and finally decided to back off and take it easy.
Reviewing what I had produced during the retreat, I realized I had written nearly fifteen pages of single-spaced answers to difficult questions. And not a word came easily, each being pondered and paced over (while I checked the empty fridge and was tempted by my powered-down phone). No wonder I was completely exhausted and needing rest.
However, despite the hangover, my personal retreat felt like the success I had hoped for. The retreat has helped mitigate some of the looping worries and lingering projects, and helped to clarify what I should be focusing my life on these next three months.
A personal retreat is not a one-and-done solution, but rather another tool to add to the many mindfulness practices that bring personal relief in a chaotic world. It’s one I know I’ll be experimenting with again come this time in July.
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Some further resources that came in handy on this retreat that I’ll be using during future retreats: